Hi Tatiana,
Hope you are doing well. I have an 11-year-old daughter who eats the entire dinner knowing her Dad has not come home to dinner to eat his portion. She has never bothered to ask if anyone else is eating and just helps herself. It does not happen every time, but we are nevertheless frustrated. We have told her it is inconsiderate to only think of herself and it also makes me have to make another dinner. The only solution I can think of is making her dad a dinner even if it’s a quesadilla he won’t eat to teach her.
Thank you,
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Kids come into this world self-centered. It’s not a bad thing; it’s a survival thing. Freud calls that ego state in those beginning stages of life the “King Baby” for a reason. Babies sole job are to help us know what they need. Ideally, with each passing year, they develop a mindful awareness of the needs of others. The bottom line is this, they don’t intuitively come into the world with this understanding. We have to teach it to them. Unfortunately, we are living in a culture that tricks kids (and parents for that matter) in to believing that they are always first. The concept that they are a piece of a unit that sometimes gets their needs met first and sometimes has to step back for the greater good of others is foreign.
Have your daughter assist you in making dinner for the family. Use this time to talk to her about being an important part of the family unit by contributing. Teach her that research indicates a key component to being happy in life is giving back to others. Make sure you give her specific, measurable instruction as to what she can take from the dinner that’s prepared. That may sounds like “you may have one piece of this, and two spoons of that made to this size.” I’d also give her some other problem solving options if she is still hungry. Has she drank a glass of water? Is she really hungry or is she bored? Has she waited 20 minutes since she finished her portion? Can she have a piece of fruit, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or cereal, etc.
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